| Question : Ok, I've been in love with Frank since July 3, 2005. I didn't care for him at first but he chased me and chased. He had just broken up with Charlene a few weeks earlier. He had been with her for about 6 to 7years. It was a terrible relationship but he still cared and put a lot of time into it. He told me he loved me and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Well, in August 2005 I went away-about a 3 hour drive-to do my student teaching at a private school. We still talked everyday and I came home every weekend, but I notice a change around October. He had gotten back with Charlene. On Halloween weekend 2005 he picked a fight with me and used it as an excuse to break up with me. I found out the truth a few weeks later. I was totally devastated. I lost weight, i couldn't focus I was a mess.
It went on like that for months. I finally got up the nerve and wrote him a letter in March 2006. We started to talk. He had started to see this girl Monica. he said that they were not serious and he wanted to try this again. He asked me to give up the guy I was seeing and he would give her up and we would move in together when I came home. well, just before I came home Monica's brother committed suicide. he used that as an excuse to be with her. I later found out he had moved in with her just after he promised me.
They were together for 2 years. He called me a couple time a week and told me what they were doing. Until she found out, then I only heard from him once every few months when he'd be out with his friends. She didn't trust him and she controlled him. He seemed miserable in the relationship. He would get together with me everynow and then. He ended up lying to me and saying they weren't together anymore. He wanted to be with me. Well, he cheated on her with me and the next day ran back to her. He threatened to never talk to me again if i told. She found out a few weeks later. She called me and confronted me. At first I covered for him, but she didn't believe and kept pushing and pushing. Plus, he was in the background yelling things like I don't care about her and she's lying. Then Monica started to threaten to get me fired. We both work in the same hospital and she was going to say I harassed her. Well, between that and him yelling at me. I gave her my phone records and I had some receipts from that night and I gave them to him. She kicked him out immediately. He swore to never talk to me again. But, a few weeks later he did. He made some promises to me and said he was sorry and wanted us to work this time. Well, a few months later and many many broken promises later, he met a girl Nickii on line. They have been together almost 2 years and have a perfect relationship. They don't fight at all. Yet, he wants me to be his friend and he wants benefits. He lied to me and said he wasn't with her again. I cared so much and well almost 5 years later and so much invested, I fell for it. He has cheated on her with me for a few months.
i don't like who I become. I'm whiny, and neurotic. But, yesterday we put it all out there. He said he really really cares for me but after all these years that I thought we were working things out, we weren't. He said we never stood a chance after Charlene broke us up. He thought I could never trust him and that I deserve someone better. Every guy I date since him throws my education in my face and say I'm too smart. I freaking hate that. He says he is with Nickii and happy and that I am someone he could have a relationship with but he's with her and I have to wait for them to end. But, he said that he doesn't see that happining. He said we can be friends with benefits and if I find someone that we wont do that but thats all I can have.
I have such esteem issues. He says I'm better than all of them but why not me. why not fight for me. He fights for them and gives them years. Why don't i deserve that? I just want to feel good about myself. I don't know how I can be happy with me again. I get out and date, but it never happens. I hurt because he doesn't. I hurt because I've gone downhill the last almost 5 years and he has a house, her, and a better paying job (thanks to me helping him with his resume and posting it for him) yet I suffer. Why does God love and bless him and make me suffer? I've done all that I was suppose to do. What do I have to do to get ahead. I just would love some satisfaction with him. |
| Answer :
I must say you are a fluctuating mind person. You are looking for sympathy and not for love. He is looking for lust and not for love. I suggest you do one thing. Forget him forever. He will try contacting you during this. But if you really want to stay happy, you must remain strong. Just try to avoid him, even don’t watch him in crowd.
Another thing, just stay out from relationships for few months or 1 or 2 years. Don’t try to find any other during this. Be stable during this. Instead of getting support from any men, try to get involved in other activities, whatever you like. reading, gardening, cooking, pets, old age houses, churches, anything which makes you satisfied. Remember happiness never come from outside, it comes from within. You will not get satisfied, seeing your friend in trouble (which you pray at present) but by treating a wound of a doggie or helping an old woman crossing the road. spend at least 2-3 hours a day in activities you like most. These will help come out of past grief. Once you are after 1 or 2 years stability, try to find a fresh relationship. But never with him.
Last thing, happiness and grief come from one's own actions of past. So let him enjoy his life. When you get jealous of his life, it seems you are a TV and your remote is in his hand. Why do you allow him controlling your life. If you really think whatever he has is because of you, you should be happy for that. You have that much power within you that you can make others happy. |
| Question : Sir, since from past 4 years i m in relation with christian guy n m a hindu. My parents didnt accept my decision of marrying that guy but i fully decied to do that in Nov 2009 i planned to have court marriage but unfortunatly my father expired in oct 28th and m elder daughter at home. That guy's parents almost arranged all stuff for marriage n now m saying them to hold for 1 year here whn i tel my mother that aftr 1 year i will marry she says bad words to me.
I do want to help at home n support family but with that i want my own marital life to be sattled. I m in tension please guide me. |
| Answer : Hi,
You haven't mentioned your age and financial status. I believe you are enough mature for taking marriage decisions. Your decision to hold your marriage for 1 year itself shows your maturity. You are on right way. Just wait for 1 year. Stabilize mental as well as financial situation of your family. They need your mental support in this turbulent situation. If you go against your mother and marry the guy, she might not be able to accept both of you for life time. So wait and watch. During that you may have time to convince your mother and other family members as well. Try to get help of the boy as well. Your family needs sympathy and mental support and as a being relative of your family he can prove himself as a responsible person as well. Utilize this 1 year nicely and after all if you don’t get success, you can marry against all odds. But take care of your family’s financial needs. Remember, marriage is not only a relation between two people but two families. And in your case two cultures. Wish you all the best.
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| Question : I have a problem regarding my love relation
I am in love with a girl and we want to get married but her father is not ready for that because our caste is different. There is no other problem. so can u tell me what should i do ? |
| Answer : Try to convince her father. Also consider your relationship with the girl. If you think you have a mature relationship go ahead against the odds. Also take care about your parents. Will they accept the girl? and visa versa. if this point is also without problem, go ahead. best luck, god bless you. |
| Question : hello sir,
i just finished my 12th examination with 82.3 percentage. now i am confused in which field to go about. i have options of engineering, sceince, Computer and management. my parents want me to select engineering while few of my friends are going for BCA. few of our relatives also suggests for BCA/ BE etc. for last 15 days this question is contantly eating out my mind with many suggestions from different people. the confusion is now migrating to frustration. i dont know what to do ahead. can please help me identifying the proper field? |
| Answer : Hi,
simple. just go for the field in which you are interested. are a person with quick learning and technical attitude towards everything? go for engineering, computers? BCA. Just find out your own interest. You may have to work for many years in the field you select now. so select the work which you enjoy and not your parents. |